The Stork Theory of Childbirth (satire)

There are two sides to the debate on childbirth, however both sides are not given equal time in the classroom. Storkians believe that our children should be taught both sides of this debate in the classroom. This major injustice infringes on our right as Americans to raise our children as we see fit. This is not Nazi-Germany, this is America, it is a free country; freedom of speech is something which this country was founded on. The believers in the Uterus Theory of Childbirth don't seem to believe in freedom of speech, they only want their opinion taught in health class. It's not like we are asking for health classes to only teach the Stork Theory of Childbirth; all we are asking is to teach the controversy. What are they so afraid of? If the Uterus Theory of Childbirth is so great, they should have nothing to worry about.

It is so demeaning to think that we came out of a woman's uterus, all covered with slime — to think that a stork delivers babies has so much more dignity in it. The Uterus Theory of Childbirth also has many holes in it. For example: how did the baby get into the woman's uterus? Scientists claim that the baby starts off as a single cell, and grows bigger and more complicated in time; but how could one single cell develop so much complexity in only nine months? The only proof a person needs for the Stork Theory is to just look at a newborn baby, it's so perfect. There is no way that the baby could manage to form itself inside the mothers uterus so perfectly. There would also be no light, doing anything in the dark is hard; what the scientists are claiming would be impossible. That leaves the Stork Theory as the only viable option by default.

Scientists claim to have evidence which they say "proves" the Uterus Theory of Childbirth, but that evidence isn't all too compelling when you consider the alternative explanations. Storks do not like what they do to be known (they work in mysterious ways), so they plant evidence to fool people, along with making people hallucinate. If people found out the truth, they would try to catch the storks — which is the last thing they want. The storks are able to swoop down incredibly fast, place a baby down, and leave. No one is able to see its handiwork — it is too fast for the human eye to pick up on. Few people are aware of the fact that storks can move at such high speeds (because when they are we can't see them). The best way to learn about the Stork Theory of Childbirth is to read books on the subject. 

Teach both sides, the kids should be allowed to decide for themselves. When it comes to the miracle of childbirth we should keep an open-mind.