Many people wonder if they should leave a relationship. While I'm no expert on bad relationships—I think it's important readers understand this—I have seen many in my circle get involved in them (friends, family, and Facebook frangers [friended strangers]). The first thing to do—at least in my opinion—is to get out a piece of paper and pen. It may sound cliche, but it's important to juice (squeeze the information out) the brain as to why you are questioning the relationship. Follow along this process:
1) "What do I feel?"
-ex. "jealous"
2) Write out all the reasons you feel the way you do.
-ex. "I caught him flirting with another girl/guy on Facebook"
If at this point you are unable to think of a reason to justify your feelings of insecurity, assess whether or not it is rational to feel the way you do; it's important for "feelings" to be rationally justified.
3) List out the possibilities that stem out of the reasons.
-examples: -"I think he's/she's cheating on me"
-"Maybe they're just friends"
-"My imagination was too overactive"
4) Make sure the list is as exhaustive as possible.
5) Deeply contemplate the list's possibilities; think of which of the possibilities is the most probable based on what you know—being aware to factor in the emotional bias created by fear/anger—be as objective as possible.
The point of all this is to lay out why you feel the way you do and see if it's rational. It's always good to end a relationship based on rationality. If you are absolutely sure that your partner isn't being faithful, is abusive, doesn't love you—using you for sex, money, wants someone "better", etc.—then it's important to leave.
1) "What do I feel?"
-ex. "jealous"
2) Write out all the reasons you feel the way you do.
-ex. "I caught him flirting with another girl/guy on Facebook"
If at this point you are unable to think of a reason to justify your feelings of insecurity, assess whether or not it is rational to feel the way you do; it's important for "feelings" to be rationally justified.
3) List out the possibilities that stem out of the reasons.
-examples: -"I think he's/she's cheating on me"
-"Maybe they're just friends"
-"My imagination was too overactive"
4) Make sure the list is as exhaustive as possible.
5) Deeply contemplate the list's possibilities; think of which of the possibilities is the most probable based on what you know—being aware to factor in the emotional bias created by fear/anger—be as objective as possible.
The point of all this is to lay out why you feel the way you do and see if it's rational. It's always good to end a relationship based on rationality. If you are absolutely sure that your partner isn't being faithful, is abusive, doesn't love you—using you for sex, money, wants someone "better", etc.—then it's important to leave.
Feel free to ask questions or comment :)
ReplyDelete