Tuesday, February 1, 2011

"No love lost in cheating" (discussion on the mentality of people that cheat in relationships)

I recently had a discussion with my girlfriend about people that cheat in relationships. Apparently her friend's former boyfriend had another, more dedicated relationship (he was married), and her friend was just something on the side. It seems as if this mentality exists within many individuals. The question is: why do people cheat?

No love lost in cheating?


Regardless of what a cheater claims, when they cheat, they are doing so because they do not feel love towards the individual they are cheating on; that does not mean that they do not "like" the person, however that "like" is probably in a sensual context. No person that has a true love of another would ever cheat on them. As Jesus said in the Bible, "to lust after another person is to commit adultery in the heart", and this is true. But, as I am arguing, a person that is truly in love would never cheat (love and commitment go hand-in-hand).

Bold claim? Well, it's not, and it is also not a bold claim that people can lose an infatuation with someone, which can be mistaken for "love"; infatuation can lead to love, but love is not infatuation. A cheater does not lose love in the individual that they have cheated on; this is because there is no love to be lost.

If a person lusts (or desires) to be with another person, they do not truly love the person they are with at the moment. Those that lust after others, and stay in a relationship (without physically cheating) perhaps feel guilty about the feelings they are experience (or feel that "desire" is unattainable). If you find yourself not being faithful "in the heart", perhaps you should seriously consider breaking up with the person you are with now—for the sake of both parties. Relationships that are held together by sensuality and convenience (need a relationship, want better, but can't get it) are going to fail in the longterm.

Helpful Advice


If you notice that your partner is lusting after others, perhaps you should have a discussion with them. You should inquire if they wish they were in a different relationship, or if they wish they could do better. Chances are if you have a hunch that they do, they probably do, and if they do, then your relationship will probably fail in the longterm.

Romance without love is not romance, but a mere sexual lust that will fade in time; a relationship held together by love will last forever. Of course you cannot truly love someone after only knowing them for a short while. If you do not love the person you are with, and have been with them long enough to know whether or not you will (longer than a few weeks, no longer than a year), you should leave and look elsewhere.

Many people (men specifically) are solely interested in the sensual aspects of a relationship, the emotional aspect is something they wish to avoid (which is why many men have problems with being committed, and don't want to "talk" about emotional things). If your man doesn't want to "talk", then this should be a sign that he is not in love with you, and vice-versa. People that are in love care about their partner's feelings as much as they care about their own. Sensuality can bring you to love, but it can also prevent you from finding it, make finding love your goal. 

1 comment:

  1. love is that what keeps a family together or rips it apart, for one person to love unconditionially, and the other to treat this person as just anoughter sexual partner is wrong and one of the most hurtful things that a person can do to anoughter. always remember what comes around goes around,

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