Today was an interesting day at the University. I had a class at 9:30 (Sociology of Mental Illness), it was fairly uneventful. But I did notice that my anxiety (or stress) levels were abnormally high this day. I think it might have to do with the drinking I did over the weekend and/or with a few of my other habits (like listening to intense music that gets my adrenaline pumping).
Random thinking: Part of me thinks that I'm addicted to stress hormones, and this underlying addiction causes me to think in a way that causes a stress response. Because when I'm bored, feeling restless, I just want to listen to some intense music or watch an intense, adrenaline pumping movie. But maybe this is just my unconscious attempt to maintain the state I am most used to, being stressed.
After class I always (almost) head back to my dorm to unwind. I'm an introvert, and I need my alone time to unwind. Sadly, the fire alarm was going off, and I couldn't enter the building. The people that I talked with outside seemed to think that it was a drill. Being that I more or less have social anxiety (I don't like to think of it as a disorder, it's fairly orderly), but I've gotten into the habit of focusing on my breathing when I feel anxiety coming on—it seems to be fairly effective at calming my symptoms once I start doing it for a few moments. Anyways, after a few minutes, it stopped and I went to my dorm.
My girlfriend messaged me on Facebook.
Background into my relationship: My relationship is extremely long-distant (in that she lives on the other side of the world). She is from the Philippines, and while this arrangement isn't ideal (her being so far away) it has been working well for the past year (aside from a few little hiccups). But I'll get more into the relationship later down the road in future posts.
After eating lunch (I had a wrap from the campus dining hall in my dorm), I soon had my next class: Gender Inequality in the Workplace. It's only me and this other guy in this class, which is awkward on normal days, but today was especially awkward. This girl did a presentation about sexual harassment in the workplace, and brought in porn magazines as a prop. Later, while the teacher was doing her lecture on the topic of sexual harassment, she pulled out one of the magazines, and it had a woman with her breasts exposed on the front cover. It seemed that it was me and the other guy that felt the most awkward here (I tried to look as if I didn't enjoy seeing it by not looking and putting on just the right face, and the other guy just looked down at the table), the girls just laughed.
I found this to be ironic because feminists always talk about equality, but if this were a class with a male teacher, and he pulled out a porn magazine (male or female on the cover), this would have been considered highly inappropriate (and charges of sexual harassment may have been filed).
Oh, and apparently (finding out with late notice), we have a paper/class presentation on a book I've barely started reading due in 1 week, yikes. Anyways...
I had another class after this one, but nothing interesting happened. During this class, because it is so easy and boring, I practiced mindfulness of breathing.
When I got back to my dorm I was exhausted, so I took a nap. I brought a few beers to college with me to see if that drinking a couple a day would help me relax, doesn't appear to be helping (I drank those beers before the nap).
We later had another fire drill. After it, I was becoming painfully aware that my levels of stress were not very good. So I started reflecting and came to the conclusion that I need to both be more optimistic with my thinking and be more aware in general of my thoughts. When I don't pay much attention to my thoughts it seems that negativity runs rampant. That is why I started this blog, I'm hoping that it keeps my mind more focused on mindfulness and pushing optimism.
Random thinking: Part of me thinks that I'm addicted to stress hormones, and this underlying addiction causes me to think in a way that causes a stress response. Because when I'm bored, feeling restless, I just want to listen to some intense music or watch an intense, adrenaline pumping movie. But maybe this is just my unconscious attempt to maintain the state I am most used to, being stressed.
After class I always (almost) head back to my dorm to unwind. I'm an introvert, and I need my alone time to unwind. Sadly, the fire alarm was going off, and I couldn't enter the building. The people that I talked with outside seemed to think that it was a drill. Being that I more or less have social anxiety (I don't like to think of it as a disorder, it's fairly orderly), but I've gotten into the habit of focusing on my breathing when I feel anxiety coming on—it seems to be fairly effective at calming my symptoms once I start doing it for a few moments. Anyways, after a few minutes, it stopped and I went to my dorm.
My girlfriend messaged me on Facebook.
Background into my relationship: My relationship is extremely long-distant (in that she lives on the other side of the world). She is from the Philippines, and while this arrangement isn't ideal (her being so far away) it has been working well for the past year (aside from a few little hiccups). But I'll get more into the relationship later down the road in future posts.
After eating lunch (I had a wrap from the campus dining hall in my dorm), I soon had my next class: Gender Inequality in the Workplace. It's only me and this other guy in this class, which is awkward on normal days, but today was especially awkward. This girl did a presentation about sexual harassment in the workplace, and brought in porn magazines as a prop. Later, while the teacher was doing her lecture on the topic of sexual harassment, she pulled out one of the magazines, and it had a woman with her breasts exposed on the front cover. It seemed that it was me and the other guy that felt the most awkward here (I tried to look as if I didn't enjoy seeing it by not looking and putting on just the right face, and the other guy just looked down at the table), the girls just laughed.
I found this to be ironic because feminists always talk about equality, but if this were a class with a male teacher, and he pulled out a porn magazine (male or female on the cover), this would have been considered highly inappropriate (and charges of sexual harassment may have been filed).
Oh, and apparently (finding out with late notice), we have a paper/class presentation on a book I've barely started reading due in 1 week, yikes. Anyways...
I had another class after this one, but nothing interesting happened. During this class, because it is so easy and boring, I practiced mindfulness of breathing.
When I got back to my dorm I was exhausted, so I took a nap. I brought a few beers to college with me to see if that drinking a couple a day would help me relax, doesn't appear to be helping (I drank those beers before the nap).
We later had another fire drill. After it, I was becoming painfully aware that my levels of stress were not very good. So I started reflecting and came to the conclusion that I need to both be more optimistic with my thinking and be more aware in general of my thoughts. When I don't pay much attention to my thoughts it seems that negativity runs rampant. That is why I started this blog, I'm hoping that it keeps my mind more focused on mindfulness and pushing optimism.
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