How to improve confidence

Confidence is one of the most important things a person can have. Many people wish they were more confident, but don't know how to actually increase their confidence. Many self-help sites talk about "going out and accomplishing things"...sadly this approach misses the forest full of trees. The reason why  accomplishing things improves confidence is because it changes the way  a person perceives themselves. The direct route for improving confidence is to change the way you think. We all have seen the kind of person who has all the confidence in the world who has nothing to show for it. I believe a combination of confidence and motivation is required to accomplish (many overly confident people lack motivation and/or intelligence). But this post is about confidence, I'll make sure to write about motivation later down the road. Anyways, confidence can be changed by changing thinking, by thinking consciously, with purpose, in a way that builds on the self. No matter what the situation, if you interpret yourself in a positive way, confidence will come. Confident thinking is strongly conducive of a general feeling of confidence (thinking confidently eventually becomes a habit, and happens subconsciously). To make this clearer, what I mean by "thinking confidently" is to constantly praise, compliment, and love yourself (in a way that is rational of course, don't cross the line into narcissism).

Using affirmations like those below can be effective, just make sure to feel them each time you repeat them in your mind. You may notice thoughts pop up that contradict the affirmation, this is a good thing. This is the negative thought(s) rearing its head. When you notice such a thought, logically find a way to falsify the negative idea (which can be easily done with enough practice).

"I love myself"

"my life is important"

"I am loved"

"I can do it"

"I am a very capable person"

"I am a strong person"

"I am confident in myself"

"I have a good life"

"I am proud of myself"


Having low confidence can lead to having problems with depression, anxiety, and anger (among others).  

Anxiety and Confidence (the relationship)

Anxiety and confidence are closely linked (anxiety being more of a symptom than anything). Anxiety is caused by too much emotionally-charged thinking (in that it throws off our chemical balance and causes many unpleasant symptoms). What causes anxiety? If it's too much worrying, well, then what causes the worrying? I believe it can be summed up with the concept of having too little confidence (in the self and/or the world). How does low confidence have to do with anxiety? Well, having low confidence causes a person to over-think aspects of their life that a confidence person wouldn't. If a person worries about anything too much, it can lead them down a road of paranoia. When a person worries too much it causes physical symptoms, and being that we are creatures that perceive based on "feelings", our perceptions become altered in a negative way to make sense of it all (which is an anxiety topic in itself). But yes, having low confidence can lead to excessive worrying, which can lead to anxiety, which reinforces the worrying, and the cycle begins (this is an anxiety disorder). Does this seem like such an odd idea? I mean, when was the last time you seen a person with a high level of confidence with an anxiety disorder? Confident people don't second guess themselves, don't worry about the past or the future, etc.

You're probably saying to yourself "Okay, Jeremy, I got it....you're rambling now, what can I do to improve my confidence?"

The best way to increase confidence is to start thinking with confidence, consciously. Using positive self-talk that is confident, when done enough, can become a habit, and once it becomes habit it is integrated into the way you perceive (self and/or the world). Conscious thinking happened at one point in the life of an anxious person to lower their confidence, and that type of thinking has become a habit (if something is done enough times, the brain gets bored with consciously doing it, and starts to do it without awareness). The best and perhaps only way to raise confidence levels is to think with confidence. Talk to yourself (out-loud or to yourself...but don't talk to yourself when you are around other people) about how great and important you are as a person, tell yourself how much you love yourself, compliment yourself, etc. In general, whenever you think about yourself, make sure to think about yourself in a positive way, a way that builds yourself up. When a negative thought comes about, tell yourself "that thought is wrong", and then think thoughts that contradict the negative thought.

If you have any questions or comments about this topic, feel free to leave a comment :)